The Boston Marathon was an amazing experience -  I'm so grateful I had the honor to run it!  My emotions are all over the place at the moment, however.  Since I promised to be honest, I must admit that a small part of me is bummed because I didn't meet either of my 'A' or 'B' goals for the race.   I knew the race was going to be rough (I'm horrible at downhills - you'll probably hear more about that in future posts - and the Boston course is mostly downhill) but I secretly hoped it wouldn't be too bad.   I secretly hoped to run my fastest marathon yet.  Don't get me wrong, I know it's a huge accomplishment just to get here and I'm not trying to diminish that in any way.  However, the fact that my Boston finish time is significantly slower than my qualifying time makes me feel somehow less worthy, as if I didn't really deserve to be here.  Also, I'm pretty sure I'll be investigated to ensure I didn't cheat to get in, which is a little embarrassing to my over-achieving self.  All that being said, the simple fact that I finished at all makes me very happy - there were many times during training when I wasn't sure a finish would even be possible.   So I'm elated with an undercurrent of disappointment.  I know bad races happen to us all.  I know the important thing is to learn from any mistakes (I made several) and move on.  No excuses.  No pity party.  I know deep in my heart that finishing Boston is pretty darn cool (so don't worry - I'm not wallowing.)  :)  

For over a year now (ever since I qualified for Boston in September 2014), Running and I have been fighting.  Our time together has been fraught with injury after injury and the mental anguish finally became too much.  Running and I stopped having fun together, we no longer trusted each other, and I no longer felt I could turn to Running when I needed comfort.   Several months ago we made the difficult decision to take a break, only staying together for as long as we did for the sake of Boston.  While I knew something needed to change, I wasn't 100% sure of our decision until now.  Now I'm sure.  This is is the right thing to do.  Actually, it's probably good that I didn't have the race of my life - letting Running go would have been much too difficult if I had run Boston like I wanted to.   (Finishing the marathon was bittersweet in this aspect, too - I was so happy to cross the finish line but knowing it was the last I'd see of Running for a while broke my heart.   I miss Running already.) 

Running and I decided to take about 5 months apart.  During this 5 months I will spend all of my time with someone I barely know: Hiking.  I plan to shamelessly flirt with Hiking.  My goal is to make Running jealous - maybe, if I play my cards right, Running will realize what we had was beautiful.  Maybe I'll learn some valuable lessons from Hiking (let's hope we get along ok).  Maybe (hopefully) Running and I will get back together in the fall.